(via screencaptheshitoutofit)

Mac: Dennis, I found the perfect girl for Charlie. Smart, beautiful, the whole thing.
Dennis: Where??
Mac: Right there.
Dennis: Over by the pool table?
Mac: Yeah. Nice!
Dennis: That’s great, Mac.
Dee: Good work, Mac!
Dennis: That’s a dude.
Mac: No, the one with the exposed midriff and the cans.
Dennis: Yeah, that’s Eric Wyzotski’s cousin. Carmen, right?
Mac: Yeah, Carmen.
Dennis: Tranny.
Dee: Implants?
Dennis: Yeah.
Dee: Nice.
Mac: Are you sure?
Dennis: Yeah. Look at his jeans, dude. There’s and unmistakeable bulge of a large penis in those jeans.
Dee: Yeah, there’s a dick in those pants.

Mac: Hey Carmen! Hey, yo, Carmen!
Carmen: Hey!
Mac: Charlie has cancer.
Carman: Oh my god, you poor baby, I’ll be right down!

Mac: Carmen, you have the most amazing body. Are you bulimic, or what?
Carmen: No, I work out like everyday. You look like you work out, too.
Mac: Yeah, one would think but it’s pretty much all natural.

Carmen: Oh, my god! I think you broke my nose!
Guy #1: That guy’s beatin’ on that chick!
Mac: Oh, no. You know what? It’s a dude. Yeah, she has a penis. So it’s okay.
Guy #1: Dude, isn’t that a hate crime?
Guy #2: Shit yeah, it’s a hate crime!

Mac: Is that penis in your pants?
Carmen: Yeah.
Mac: You lied to me!
Carmen: No, I didn’t! You lied to me! You don’t work out? Please, I’ve seen you at the gym. You’re ripped.
Mac: No, don’t turn this around— Wait. Really? You think so? I was afraid I was getting a little too ripped, you know?
Carmen: Oh, no I like it.
Mac: Wow! Hmm. Well, I gotta get back to work. But, umm, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll give you a call sometime.