labeledbones:

Dennis: Now here’s the twist, and there is a twist: We show it. We show all of it. Because what’s the one major thing missing from all action movies these days guys? …Full penetration. Guys, we’re gonna show full penetration and we’re gonna show a lot of it! I mean, we’re talking, you know, graphic scenes of Dolph Lundgren really going to town on this hot young lab tech. From behind, 69, anal, vaginal, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, all the hits, all the big ones, all the good ones. Then he smells crime again. He’s out busting heads. Then he’s back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime, back to the lab, full penetration. Crime, penetration, crime, full penetration, crime, penetration. And this goes on and on, and back and forth, for 90 or so minutes until the movie just, sort of, ends.

via ohnotheydidn’t

barnumyay:

Charlie: How’s this, this look center?
Mac: Uh, no, you gotta move it a little to the left.
Charlie: [moves the wreath to the right] Alright, here we go, how’s that?
Mac: No your other left.
Charlie: Uh my other left? I only have one left.
Mac: It’s just an expression.  Just move it to the other direction.
Charlie: What would that expression be for, for someone who has two lefts?
Mac: No, just move it the other way.  Move it the other way.
Charlie: Towards your left?
Mac: Your left and my left are the same ‘cause we’re facing the same direction.
Charlie: Ehhh, we’re two different people, we can’t have the same left, it doesn’t make sense.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Special - “A Very Sunny Christmas”

Dennis: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
Charlie: Oh, well, excuse me for being the most terrible man on the planet! I’m a terrible man!
Dennis: What are you doing!? What is that!? We thought you were dying, Charlie!
Charlie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who’s we?
Dennis: Me and Mac and Sweet Dee.
Charlie: Oh, great! Great. I told you not to tell anyone. Now I’m gonna have to go into remission or something so they don’t think I was lying.
Dennis: YOU WERE LYING!!!
Charlie: YEAH, I LIED TO YOU, alright!? Look. The girl— she wears a Lance Armstrong bracelet. Okay? So I tell you that I have cancer, right? Then you’re gonna tell her, she’s gonna feel sorry for me, we’re gonna start dating, and THAT’S THE WAY THAT LIFE WORKS, MAN!!!
Dennis: THAT WAS A HORRIBLE THING TO DO!!
Charlie: Well, I’m a bad guy then.
Dennis: You are a bad guy! You lied to us.
Charlie: Alright, look at this. Sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet.
Dennis: You gotta crack a couple of eggs to make an omelet?
Charlie: You gotta crack an egg.
Dennis: So you’re throwing down life lessons now?
Charlie: I’m throwin’ down eggs!
Dennis: Class is in session! The teacher’s teachin’ class now!
Charlie: I’m crackin’ eggs of wisdom!
Dennis: Is that what you’re doin’? Let me crack one more egg for you and throw it in the omelet.
Charlie: You got an egg?
Dennis: The waitress doesn’t even like you. We had to pay her $250 to have sex with you!
Charlie: A-ha! Because— nnnm. Sex?? We didn’t have sex! … *sigh*

(via WWTDD)

Frank: Are you all gonna go against me on this?
Dee: Sorry, Larry Bird.
Dennis: Stop trying to use the Larry Bird thing.
Charlie: Don’t use the Larry Bird thing.

samann:spacecataz:(via afghanibanani)