Dee: You shouldn’t be drinking in a shoe store.
The Waitress: You shouldn’t be drinking in a shoe store.
Dee: What is the matter with you? I told you to pace yourself.
The Waitress: I have a drinking problem!
Dee: Well, then, you should know how to hold your booze a little better.
The Waitress: I’ll hold your boobs a little better.
Dee: Oh, good one.

The Waitress: Were you just pooping on the floor?
Charlie: No, I was not. That was an endurance contest. Which I won, by the way.
Dennis: You’re paying for that.
Charlie: She doesn’t have to pay for that.
Dennis: Yes, she does.
The Waitress: Bite me, asshole.
Dee: Wow, you have a bad attitude when you’re drinking.
The Waitress: You have a bad attitude when you’re drinking, you huge-footed slut. You know what? I’m just gonna go get more wasted and then I’m gonna bang some random dude.
Charlie: Could it be this guy?
The Waitress: No it can’t but it could be Dennis.
Dennis: Pass.
The Waitress: Whatever.

Charlie: Dennis, could you take a five?
Dennis: Uh, well I just don’t wanna cut the song.
Charlie: I would like for you to take a five.
Dennis: F— Five minutes?
Charlie: Can we have five now? Please? Dee and I. Can I get— Can you have a five over there?
Dennis: …
Charlie: Will you take a five, Dennis!? Take a five, please!!

michaelkuttler:

Dennis: I want to get that Jesus on the cross look, you know what I mean?
Dee: I see what you’re saying. I think that crucifixion must have been really good for your core…

Dee: Well, Mac. I think we have successfully pulled off one extreme makeover.
Mac: Yeah. I love their eyes.

Dayman, ahh-ah-ah
Fighter of the nightman, ahh-ah-ah
Champion of the sun, ahh-ah-ah
You’re a master of karate and friendship for everyone
Dayman, ahh-ah-ah
(Dayman, Dayman, Dayman)
Fighter of the nightman, ahh-ah-ah
Champion of the sun, ahh-ah-ah
(Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun)
You’re a master of karate and friendship for everyone
DAYMANNNNNNN

Mac: Stage freeze!
Dennis: Don’t say stage freeze, just do it.

rolandfox:

Charlie: We gotta get a lot closer.
Mac: Closer? No, you gotta stay far away ‘cause it’s gonna blow up, dude!
Charlie: Chicken shit, I’ll walk right up to that thing and shoot it.
Mac: No, you can’t walk right up to it and shoot.
Charlie: It’ll blow you to safety!

The Waitress: I don’t like this bitch’s attitude!

Frank: Magazines, magazines. Cut ‘em out with this. What are you lookin’ at?
Mac: Frank, she doesn’t understand what you’re saying.
Dee: No, you gotta say “corte.” That means “cut.”
Frank: Corte, Corte!

Frank: I am gonna blast your face off.

KEEP SINGING BITCH. YOU’RE NOT GONNA HAVE A FACE BY THE TIME I’M DONE WITH YOU.