Dennis: Let’s cool it with the interventions for a second because there’s a lot of them being thrown around and I’m having a little bit of trouble keeping track. The most important intervention is the one we need to do on Gail the Snail on getting her out of our lives.
Gail: Guys, let’s do shots and get crazyyyy.
Dee: NO! We’re intervening on you, Snail! Go! Get out of here!
Gail: Yeah right!
Mac: How is she not getting this?
Dennis: She’s stonewalling us, it is a classic Snail technique.
Dee: Classic.
Charlie: YAAAAH!!! GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT OF HERE, SNAIIIIL! HAA! YAHH! YAAAH! GO, SNAAAIIILLL! YAAAAH! YAAAAAH!
Gail: Guys, guys, guys! I was gonna invite you guys to a rave to hang out! But now I don’t wanna hang out with you anymore.
Dennis: Oh, my god. Salt the snail! Salt the snail!
Gail: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! Do you guys wanna go?
Mac: OH my god.
Dee: OH MY GOD NO WE DON’T WANNA GO!!!
Gail: WAIT! I have glow sticks.
*SHOUTING*
Frank: What is with that broad!?
Dee: She is the worst, right? That’s what we’ve been saying!
Charlie: Oh, my god, that was a terrible experience for me, by the way.
Dennis: Of course it was, nobody likes salting the snail but she gives you no choice!
Dee: She doesn’t leave you with any options.
Charlie: It’s a horrible thing! I’m all worked up now, I feel bad, I feel like I should have some more… wine in a can!
Dee: I’ll get you one!

Dee: Whoaaa, what’s this?
Gail: Me and Mac are together.
Dennis: No! No! INTERVENTION! INTERVENTION!
Dee: INTERVENTION! INTERVENTION!
Charlie: Wooo! Wooo! Wooo!
Mac: What are you interventioning me for??
Dennis: Because you can’t be banging Gail the Snail!
Mac: I’m not banging Gail the Snail, she followed me home!
Gail: *slurp*
Mac: UGH, she was doin’ THAT the whole time.
Dee: YEAH SHE DOES THAT!
Mac: Swallow it or spit it out!
Gail: *spits*
Mac: NO, oh my god.
Charlie: INTERVENTION!!
Gail: Hey, babe, I’ll get you a drink from the bar.
Mac: Great! MY GOD.

Gail: What’s up, suckers?
Dennis: Hey Gail.
Dee: Heyyy Gail.
Dennis: You look different.
Gail: I’m more confident, I’ve grown into my body.
Dee: You’re sure showin’ a lot of skin, huh?
Gail: Jealous? I’m a woman now, I’m not a virgin anymore.
Dee: Coool.

Dennis: See, that’s what happens when you don’t have salt!
Charlie: Oh my god, there’s not enough salt in the world for her!

barnumyay:

Gale: Hey guys, you wanna come to my car and take a puff? I got some medical marijuana.
Dee: We’re at your Dad’s funeral, Gale.
Gale: Whatevs, I’m over it.  Plus, if we all showed up super high at the reception everyone would be like whaaaaaat.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5.04 - “The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention”

rackattack:

Donna: What is happening here?
Frank: I haven’t any idea, honestly.
Gail: I’m giving Frank a handie under the table.
Frank: That is true. Look, Snail, back off because you’re just mashing it now.
Donna: For god’s sake, Gail.
Gail: Mom, I’m sexually active now. Get over it.
Donna: You’re 33 years old; you’re supposed to be sexually active. You’re not supposed to be fondling your uncle under a table.
Frank: Woah. We’re not blood related.